Week 3 Prep Update... It's not pretty, but it's real.
This picture was my attempt on Tuesday to being positive. I said "Farrah, I'm so proud of how my booty looks. Will you take a picture and a video of me doing these stiff leg deadlifts?"
The past 5-6 days have been rough, mentally. Saturday is when it started. I had gotten a refeed on Friday, um who would be negative about that?? So, Saturday I stepped on the scale but was anticipating it to go up, and of course, it did. 1.5 pounds to be exact, up to 154.8. Oh well, it will go down. Saturday afternoon I still had cardio to do, and it was a S T R U G G L E. I had to turn my favorite motivational video "Why Do We Fall" on loop to get me through it. Sunday, my weight went down .4 of a pound to 154.2 and later I had an emotional breakdown in front of Alex, luckily he was able to calm me down and assure me everything would be fine. Monday, I weighed myself and had gone back up to 155, I had to take Rosco to the vet, and found out he needs some major dental work done and is going to cost a shit ton of money. Great start to the week.
Tuesday, was when I got a positivity check from Alex, Farrah, my clients, MYSELF. I was a constant "Debbie Downer" but then immediately trying to tell myself to stop being so negative. My attitude was like a dang ping pong ball going from negative to somewhat not negative...ugh! It started probably when I stepped on the scale that morning and saw that it jumped up more than what I started this whole prep out at, up to 155.2. The past 5 days has been that TOTM, so I am sure I am holding water, I am only a few days after having a refeed, so again probably holding water from that...but as I tell my clients, this shit just happens. Especially with us FEMALES! Then I get to the gym right around 7am for my first client and Alex is walking out heading home, and I just happened to bite his head off for something stupid. I immediately feel terrible about it. My first and second client empathized with me but told me to #ttp. My third client, Summer, looked at me and said "if this were me coming to you telling you this crap about my weight, you would look at me and say get over it and trust the process".
The best & worst part is that I RECOGNIZED ALL OF THIS, and kept on being a "Negative Nancy" until after my leg workout. Maybe I just needed to workout to release the bad juju. Later, Alex asked me if this whole negativity shit was because of me stepping on the scale or something else. Me looking back at it, I am sure it was everything combined with that TOTM and the scale and exhaustion. But regardless, one of my goals this year was to be positive and say positive things about my body, and not get so uptight about things.
Now, today....Wednesday, I woke up a pound lighter at 154.2, my TOTM ended, and I actually feel good. Mentality is everything, and in a prep it's SO IMPORTANT. Some things I think really helped me:
I was open about my feelings to myself. Me saying it out loud realized how ridiculous I sounded.
I was open about my feelings to others. My support system is amazing. My boyfriend, my friends, my clients all have my back but will also call me out when they hear me being ridiculous.
Being open, especially with my clients, I feel is the biggest help. Last year I tried to prep but kept everything in and when I couldn't handle it, I quit. This year, opening up to everyone at our Team ABs Kickoff meeting that I know this was going to be hard to do on my own. I asked for them all to help keep me accountable of being positive, and they really are!
I may be a coach/trainer, but I, too, go through these same mentality issues as my clients. But that goes to show you that it's not just you, we all go through it. We just need to make sure we have the right support system in place to help us when we're going through this. We ultimately need to make sure we are trusting the process (#ttp). Besides, this is only week 3...and I have a ton of food and minimal workouts/cardio...get over yourself Beth.
Last thing, a constant reminder to you and to myself: LOVE YOURSELF. In all aspects. In ups, in downs, at the beginning, middle and end of prep, in off-season, in a swimsuit, in sweatpants, naked, fully clothed, with friends and family, in the gym. No matter what, LOVE YOURSELF.
I am not sure, but I hope, that this helps some of you... I apologize if it kind of sounds a little jumbled, but I have been struggling to write this blog and it's the only way I can make sense of how this past week went. I am hopeful and positive that the next few weeks are going to be so much better!
Happy Hump Day y'all!